If you are as old as I am or not. You have probably been exposed to the dreaded new year’s resolution! Every year I make a resolution. More like an unresolved goal that I keep putting on the list and not hitting. By the time the year comes to an end…. I find myself disappointed on not meeting my goal/resolution. And this is a vicious cycle.
What is a resolution? And why are they important? Do they need to come at the beginning of the year?
I am not going to answer these questions as I know in part I have been conditioned to belief it is a fresh start. Unless you reflect and asses then really not much can be updated, improved and strengthen. Though we can’t spend everyday of life reflecting and assesing.
This year 2021 I did not set any resolution I don’t feel committed enough. I would like to say I am taking a break. I’m in a place in time where I don’t know what my heart is calling me to do. I have ideas of projects I want to start on… I feel there is a planning process but I am not there yet. I’m still sorting some pieces of the 2020 puzzle.
What I can say is that I am moving forward and attempting to have a continuous flow of physical activity. I might need to challenge myself. Making some financial gains. Dating like I was in middle school (hormonal and unbothered) kinda the opposite of who I was in middle school. Spending time with special people in my life.
A bit all over the place I am, new years aren’t always hitting reset new start. I was always triggered to do so. I have no awe inspiring quote to finish off this blog except to send my good vibes out to each and everyone whom come across my blog this year.
Thank you for reading!
P.S. my new years resolution has been to loose weight, get healthy, stay fit, etc.
Have not really written much in a while here nor in my journal. I have lived through the notions of the daily self talk that only antaganizes the progress.
I have slowed and completely bombarded all the progress I made in my health and physical fitness. I have no excuses or reasons except my own lack of motivation. I was eating more and moving less. Do I have plans to recover and get back on track? Yes…
….. but right now I don’t know what track I am on… so I am only going for walks every morning. I want to be able to inspire myself deep down inside not on the surface. Yet, I know that I have to do something. I cant just let go and see what happens.
That being thrown into the open I have no set start date. But I know this track is a remix. Slow and steady again and again. Consistency is the fuel, motivation is oxygen, discipline the temperature and the work of all three makes the progress fire.
California winds at night are not the only ones making noise. Let me invite you to a short and cozy Los Angeles winter as I release my thoughts into writing…..
2020 Is Almost A Wrap
How much have I accomplished? Endless thoughts of unfinished tasks coming to mind. I need to shut them down because there is much I have done…. and well goals are meant to be assessed again. I should know this cycle, I studied it.
On to merry thoughts, attempting to wear my holiday sweaters when I work in the office tomorrow will be a fail I think. And my negativity floats above the surface again.
A little November recap: dating is not for me. I surrender to God’s plan now more than ever. I really do not listen to my inner voice. (No offense to my past suiters) nothing was wrong with you or me we are not meant for each other. Even after my friends say… relationships take work you just can’t give up…hmmm my response Thank you, Next!
I am kidding about it well sorta… the real issue is I will confess because 2020 is about waking up one day with city shut downs. I did love a guy whom I never expressed my feelings towards. I suppressed them. We are both not in a convenient space to share those feelings or me to share them. Before you come at me saying it is never too late. There is a time a place and now it is not.
Deep down inside I look for a guy like him though I must accept each person is unique. And on that note. No more forcing myself to be a datable human. Keep true to who I am and stand my ground.
Peace and love this holiday season! I show lovely holiday decor in the streets of LA.
I wish there was a backspace button for thoughts that Resurface. Because the backspace button is the most efficient button on the keyboard that emits digital content. Typewriter days you had to re type it or use whiteout.
How many times have we typed a message only to find ourselves backspacing until everything is deleted? That sounds about right with this post. We hit bsckspace because we want our message to be clear snd politically correct to reduce.
I have written this post over and over again for almost a year. Why because there is no easy way to speak about someone. Even now I wonder why I write this post. I must confess….
I reread old mesages from an acquaintance and it just got me feeling inspired. But also wondering and wanting to ask “how are you?” I typed it and hit backspace until the message was gone. I kinda wish I would have sent a drunk text. (Seriously then I could just say it was the alcohol).
The bottom line is I did not respond to the last message sent. And now I want to respond close to a year later.
Managing those Thoughts that resurface has no operating procedures. I wish there was a backspace button for it. Reading those back and forth messages reminded me of the growth I have had since then. Reminded me of the hurt, insult, happiness, hope, smiles and above all have faith.
There are moments in life I forget to stop and listen to my inner voice. To stop and listen to the message being delivered. A mixed message that can not be cleared up means that it is time to take action in a direction of growth even when that means leaving the person behind without logical closure.
And that is the reasonable explanation of why I did not respond to you. I had confused and mixed feelings towards you. I learned that the truth hurts like Lizzo sings and that there is no reading between the lines take it for face value.
Admitting to believing in fairy tales even after this much old.
I have always opted for reason and logic though God sprinkles in magic and miracles. Life is not perfect and we do not always get what we want when we want it. In the last year I have watched my life filled with blessings I was not expecting.
Gratitude and giving have been on the forefront of my daily prayers. I am beyond thankful for my support group, my faith and to God. Fairytales are not what we make of them in the movies we wont live anyone elses life. But we will be able to create and bring to life our own.
My birthday is today and I want to take the time to appreciate and be grateful for lessons learned in the past year, for the blessings and for the wisdom to let me hold a future that brings joy where I step.
Turning older is scary especially when one compares to others.. but Today I will live and be proud.
And my phone died before I could publish and I was having too much fun to go and charge it.
When I was young my teacher told me to color in the lines. I asked why? Isn’t art suppose to be what our creative mind think up. The straight answer was No color in the lines. I did as I was told. Until I later discovered that there is more to art than what my 3yr old brain could process. This was after one full year of college art history. I will be forever thankful for this class. I took it with 2 of my good friends and I learned to appreciate art and the story behind it. I think my science brain had to find a reason to understand.
Dating is like art. Art recounts a story in a time period into a glimpse of what life was like during that time. Till this day I am not able to tell you different periods of art in full depth. My dating styles over the years has allowed me to reflect on what priorities and values I pursued during that time in my life. The art of dating is knowing how to reflect and grow.
Art reflects emotion, story, color, mystery, excitement. Dating can be messy, colorful, bland, confusing. Have you ever stared at a painting or sculpture and wondered why? Well I reflect on my dating and wonder why did I go out with him?
In conclusion, I still do not fully understand dating. Though, I do know that I am not in a rush to find my match, to fall in love. I enjoy the dating experience and have learned to reflect and value myself and the priorities and values I seek in a mate.
I leave you with the thought above as it has been 2 months since I wrote this and I do not have clarity on what happened. Accept it as is because it was beautiful and I was honest about my feelings. I guess we are not able tp interepret every art piece wisely.
Of saying good byes to the year. During these next months we are rush rush and with holidays come emotions and feeelings. Also my birthday hides right before Thanksgiving. Which is why I mention it now since that month is filled.
The start of my goodbyes started in August. I knew it though I did not want to accept it but my lovely companion through ups and downs and as loud as can be was about to give up on me. Woe is me… wow! I said adiuex to my car my muscle car ugh.. I cried. New season brings new joys and new discoveries… new… no not new….but moments to come. I do not know.
My car was a 5 year haul around all over CA. It holds my secrets and they remain there. I felt a huge relief though it brightwned my day. I am thankful for how it served me.
This year has been uncertain and I know these next few months will continue to surprise us. I pray for us all to have peace in our hearts so we can be wise and assertive. I pray to understand what God has planned. I sometimes feel ungrateful.
Also…. said Good bye of the length of my hair. Chopped it off. And finally have posts scheduled coming up.
I am using the first post I uploaded to introduce myself to new readers. Thank you for reading for the past year.
Hello and Welcome! I am born in the beautiful city of Los Angeles, California. I grew up in this area went to school in Orange County. Yet have never left North America.
A year ago I began on this writing adventure that would lead me to dive into personal development. How did I get here? Well it just happened I would like to believe. Though in life nothing just happens we make it happen. Unless, I was in a Romantic Comedy Movie or telenovela, where the story works itself out in the end (which I am not mad at) I would know the storyline. I would like to believe that I landed this role without equivocal suspicions, self-doubts and hardly working. The behind the scenes, the makings of decisions and the support that is what I want to know. So here is goes I am sharing some stories. Cheers to my first blog Post. writing for close to a year.
Getting out There!
For the last 10 plus years I have been involved with many people… yes I said it involved with many people. Though, not in the way that my poor written English is making us deduce to believe. I have met many people on this path literally and metaphorically.
By writing I am hoping to enjoy the writing process and learn as I go along from myself and you the reader.
For me this post is aimed to answer the following questions:
What are we learning?
Learning to edit written work
Learning to accept criticism
Discipline and Schedule-Time Management
How are we learning this?
Reflection and growth
Focusing on strengths
Respecting perspective that are shared
And So what?
There are so many stories out there for us to read I don’t find mine to be “extra” as the kids would say. I just find that sharing would bring me light because I am selfish. I like closure. I want to write. also, that you as the reader would be enthused to come back and read another adventure. I don’t try to be, I am! Just like you are we are they are and the rest of the conjugation of the verb to be.
Disorder, condition, disease, illness, dysfunction were among the terms I found in my quick search to describe a medical concern. I wanted to find the most accurate term to describe what is Diabetes? There are several types. When I was first diagnosed it was told me to as being hyperglycemic as I have aged and reduced my active lifestyle I am now Diabetic.
I refused to accept this disease in my body and for the last 2 months I have been working against my favor literally taking the medication but literally not eating right. I do not think I have accepted it fully as being part of my body. Though I know it is affecting my motivation, my energy and my state of mind. I am no longer the hiking all day naturalist and eating properly person to defeat this dysfunction in my pancreas.
I am writing to shed light on the fact that my sugar was at 261 this late at night and well as I know… it is not good. Actually it is beyond bad. I really have sabotage my health thinking I can magically with thought defeat it…. well looks like I have wasted 2 months with this mindset I am only hindering my progress. I feel the need to share as this way I hold myself accountable to progress not perfection. To progress in my attitude, evolution in my diet and shredding my list of excuses why I can not work out.
That is my Fall Confession…. I do not have a plan, goal, agenda, objective… the first step is to recognize and accept there is work needed to be done. And well I need to get myself checked in to real life and start putting in the time to defeat the weight and increase the insulin in my body.