While on vacation I have attempted to relax, eat, sleep and enjoy time with family. I am on travel at one of my favorite places though I still cannot disconnect. Disconnect not from my phone… though I should.
I would like to disconnect from my own negative self-talk about a topic at my age I dislike talking about. The question I’ve been asked a lot on this trip from relatives has been:
When are you getting married? How come you don’t have kids?
Yes! I know it is more than one, this is a 2 for 1. I don’t know why relatives like to meddle, well I do! Most of my younger cousins are married or have kids, yet here I am on vacation with my parents with no movement in the direction of having my own family. The challenge is not answering the questions. I can answer those questions gladly time after time but every year it gets annoying to answer them. My honest thought…when I do have a husband or a child you would know! Like I don’t even know why all of the above has not happened. The challenge is within me…I find myself questioning my purpose in life.
I get doubts about my path and begin to question with uncertainty my existing life. How is it possible that I have not been able to disconnect from the negative self- talk? What are my cultural expectations during this age and what I am actually doing with my life. As if my current life was meaningless without a husband or child. Though I don’t want to disconnect nor redirect my answer, it truly wish I could get respect for the life I am living.
My cultural background women get married before 25 after that age a woman is no longer considered of the marrying age. I am way past that age…
On the otherhand, my mom has gotten the “wow can’t belive you’re still married and you should be thankful for such a great husband and family”. If I hear it one more time I think I will burst out my uncensored thoughts.
I know this sounds like a rant. What I do know is that I am happy with my life. I am hoping to convey to my relatives that life with or without kids or husband has a purpose. We should be respectful of individuals in a collective culture.